Here's the costume that ought to win best in show this Halloween, and every one after it. A cowboy hat. A shiny badge. A book with the word "traditional" stamped on the cover in a font meant to make you feel safe. A banner that reads God, family, and freedom. And underneath all of it, running the whole rig, one of the most godless creeps you will ever have the displeasure of meeting, a man sending pictures of his own withered dick off his official campaign account and calling it flirty. Hahaha. That's Mark Lamb. And Arizona Republicans just pinned a Congressional nomination on that costume and told their own people to clap.
So let's take the costume off. One receipt at a time. Because the costume was never the story. The story is who paid for it, and the bill starts with the voters he told to swallow the whole thing and shut up.
Open on the harmed
Before you get to hate the man, meet the people he lied to.
The harmed here are the voters of Arizona's 5th District, deep red, East Valley, heavily Latter-day Saint. The God-family-freedom crowd. They did nothing wrong. Let me say that again, because the machine wants you to forget it: they did nothing wrong. They saw a cowboy hat and a man who said I'm here for ya, and they believed him. They believed the pitch that he was the law-and-order candidate, the one who'd hold the line, enforce the rules, keep everything taken care of. That is not a stupid thing to want. That is a decent thing to want. And it is exactly the decency a con man goes shopping for.
Then the scandal landed. And what was his answer to the constituents he swore to protect and serve? Three words. "Lies. Every single bit." Which is to say: swallow it, shut up, and fall in line. And a whole lot of them did, because he won the primary. That's the victim of this piece. Not a tabloid's favorite. The conned base, sold a fraud and then required to defend it as the price of belonging.
Walk the harm forward, with receipts
Here's how you know the law-and-order pitch was a fraud and not just a man with a messy love life. You watch when the law shows up. Watch the timing, because the timing is the whole tell.
When HE is the one breaking it, the law is nowhere. Per the Arizona Republic investigation by Laura Gersony and Robert Anglen, published May 23, 2026, digital evidence the paper's own reporters reviewed shows a yearslong habit of sexting, including with women he met through his campaign's official social media accounts. His official accounts. And in his own quoted words: "I am totally okay with excessively flirty. Hahaha!!" No statute troubling him then. No Department of Public Safety on the line. Just a grown man giggling into his phone. I'll flag it plainly, because honesty rides along on this show: that's reviewed reporting, not a court finding. There is no criminal charge here. Say it out loud and move on, because it doesn't need one to stink.
Now watch the law materialize. The instant a woman signaled she might post the nudes and the messages that HE sent, the same screenshots the Republic reviewed show him firing back a link to Arizona's revenge-porn statute, tagging it a Class 4 felony, and writing: "Please just no more posting… I will call DPS." The paper reports he appeared to suggest he could control the Department of Public Safety and stop any investigation if she stopped. Another woman, per the same reporting, got a photo captioned "think about that being you," finished off with a little devil emoji, because of course it was.
Read that back slow. Sending it: fine, fun, hahaha, devil emoji. Exposing it: suddenly a felony, and suddenly the state troopers are on speed dial. That is selective enforcement living inside one man's text thread. The law is whatever protects Mark Lamb, and it flips on and off like a switch with his thumb on the toggle. That is the badge as a personal shield, not a public trust. That is the entire episode in one screenshot.
And this is not anonymous whisper-network stuff. A friend of his, Matt Hilsabeck, went on the record with the Arizona Republic on June 19, 2026, and said the reports of the sexting and the conduct outside Lamb's marriage were true. A name. A friend. On the record. Add it up: we have the pictures of the texts, we have him exposed in his own words, and we have a man who calls Lamb a friend confirming it out loud.
A word on the woman, because I want zero confusion. She is not the victim of this piece and she's not its hero either. And frankly I don't care if she's a whore or a saint, because sex is sex, we're grown adults, this is America, and who consenting people choose to be flirty with is nobody's national news story. She got whatever she got out of an abject creep, and then she turned, and the moment she turned she found out what every non-Republican in his county would find out eventually: this man's law is a switch and his thumb is on it. She's not the point. She's the occasion. What she reveals is HIM.
The man, in his own paper
Mark Lamb. Sheriff of Pinal County from 2017 to 2024. And the beautiful part is you can convict the entire brand off his own merchandise, before a single reporter says a word.
Start with the book. He titled his 2020 memoir "American Sheriff: Traditional Values in a Modern World." His cover. His words. So I'd love to see the traditional-values list. I'd love to know which bullet on it reads: send creepy dick pictures to a young woman who is, let's be honest, several leagues out of your range, and then run for Congress and swear it never happened while the pictures sit right there in the open. Put that on the list. Bullet three: overly attractive young women get my texts. Bullet four: deny it on the radio. Traditional values, folks.
Then the banner. He launched his Congressional run, Trump endorsement in hand, under the slogan "God, family, and freedom." And Trump endorsed this. Of course he did. The man who bragged about grabbing people by the pussy and never once backed down endorsed the sheriff sexting off his campaign account. Birds of a feather. That is not a serious, decent person, and Congress is supposed to be where we send serious, decent people to make the country actually work.
And here's the load-bearing hypocrisy, the one that turns this from a creep story into a danger story. Lamb styles himself a "constitutional sheriff." Per Slate on July 23, 2026, and Media Matters back on February 9, 2023, he's tied to the CSPOA movement founded by former Oath Keepers board member Richard Mack, the doctrine that the county sheriff is the highest law in the land, above the state, above the feds. At a 2020 CSPOA event he stood up and said he committed to defend and protect the Constitution of the United States. And during COVID he refused to enforce Arizona's stay-at-home order, per the New York Times on June 18, 2020, because deciding which laws are legitimate was, to him, a sheriff's God-given prerogative.
So here's my read, and I'm flagging it as my read, not a filing. A man on record that the sheriff personally decides which laws count is not a bug to the machine. He's the feature. A cop who enforces the law selectively, who's shown you in his own text messages that it's a switch, is exactly the asset you want if the plan is to stand up obstacles for the wrong voters and back the boss no matter what he does. The refuse-to-enforce record is the receipt. Where that leads, the willingness to bend the badge for the movement when it counts, that's my read of the pattern. But it's a read standing on a stack of receipts, not floating on air.
And his defense? In his own words, because I'm not going to hide it: "I've been called a racist. I've been called a misogynist… these are lies. Every single bit," he told KTAR in June 2026. His attorney, former Arizona Supreme Court Justice Andrew Gould, called the claims "baseless and harmful." Lamb didn't answer the detailed list of allegations one by one. He ducked the whole list and blamed his primary opponent, Daniel Keenan, for airing it. So hold both of these in your hand at once: a blanket "every single bit" is a lie, set against a screenshot in his own thread that links a woman to a felony statute and says "I will call DPS." One of those two things is not surviving contact with the other.
Land it
Here's the con, clean, no chaser. Mark Lamb is a law-and-order man whose law exists for exactly one purpose, protecting Mark Lamb. When he's the one firing off nudes from his official campaign account: no law, no problem, hahaha, devil emoji. When a woman might fire his back: presto, Class 4 felony, and the state police are getting a call. That is not a hypocrite with a private life. That is a cop showing you in his own text messages that the badge is a weapon he aims at whoever threatens him and holsters for himself. The statute book is a prop. It opens in his defense and slams shut on everyone else.
And now the part that should chill you all the way down. He looked his own base in the eye and said it was lies, every single bit. His own friend said it was true. The screenshots said it was true. And Arizona Republicans made him their nominee anyway on July 22, 2026, per CBS News, and Trump reaffirmed the endorsement on top of it. Sit with that. The machine looked at a selective-enforcement cop, a man on record that the sheriff decides which laws count, a godless creep who dresses up as a lawman for votes, and it did not flinch. It promoted him. Because to these people that's not a liability. That's the résumé. A guy who'll wield the law like a switch is precisely who you want holding the switch, over ballots, over investigations, over whatever the boss needs next.
So let me say the ugly, simple thing this whole episode has been walking toward. We do not need this man anywhere near the federal levels of our government. Not in a committee room, not in a caucus, not within a hundred miles of writing the rules the rest of us have to live under while he decides the rules don't apply to him. He is not trustworthy. He is not a whole human being concerned with anything beyond his own dick and his own power. And he is one of a growing crowd of these icky, sanctimonious frauds who lie about God with one hand and reach for a threat with the other the second the world stops going their way. If we keep sending them up the ladder, we don't get the America that used to at least pretend to value humanity. We get a country run by a bunch of dicks, arranging everything for themselves and nobody else.
The voters of District Five deserve better than a switch-flipping fraud in a cowboy hat. They deserve someone who'll actually fight for what they need. So the job is plain: Mark Lamb loses the fuck out of this election, and District Five gets represented by someone who isn't running a con on the people who trusted him. Not shame for this man. He's immune to shame. Just a loss, and then the door.
All of it is in the show notes. Every screenshot, every date, every source, linked so you can check my work, because on this show the receipts are the price of admission.
Peace out. Subscribe, like, and leave your comments on our website. We'll be back when the next Byte hits. This has been Byte This, I'm Moss.
Moss (00:01) Hi, you have tuned in to bite this. This is a short form podcast intended to be a sounding board for discoveries I make in the news cycle and things that I think the right wing of our religious government, which is not supposed to be a thing, is trying to spread lies and
They're the factors of fake news, although they're the ones that coined the phrase. So we're here to talk about hypocrisy today under the power and subjugation pillar of this podcast. and this one happens to be sourced in a little t little state called Arizona. you know Arizona is a state that has a lot of controversy, especially in electoral politics. But the
This one's really kinda interesting. this guy's a this one's about a guy named Mark Lamb. He was a sheriff there. gunslinging god toting fake Christian everything you want in a sheriff. and y you know, he's in District Five. he's running for Congress.
He he was just endorsed by Trump, no surprise, and and he won the primary. So this is the person that our Democrat, who probably isn't a fucking idiot cocksucking creep, I'm sorry, that was out loud, but it's how I feel. I don't think this guy is a cocks cocksucker. He might he might endear himself more to me if he were.
But he's a liar and he is a cheater and he is deceiving voters. And so like on every single one of these episodes, I'm gonna start with the harmed. And the harmed here are the majority LDS, Latter-day Saint voters that reside in District Five. It's predominantly it's very heavily populated by LDS people. And you know, they saw the
They they saw the the cowboy hat and I'm here for ya. you know. This is the this is the God family freedom crowd of of of LDS and and they're in Arizona. what did they do wrong to deserve this harm? They did nothing wrong, right? They just believed a cowboy hat. The cowboy hat and the fake news about this guy being there for law and order because
He's there to make sure everything's taken care of, right? But then a little scandal comes up and and and and what's his answer, right? His answer is lies, every single bit. So he essentially told his constituents and the people who he is there to protect and serve, I I will put the in air quotes, to swallow it, to shut up, line up.
A lot did, obviously, or he wouldn't have have gotten the votes to win the primary. I don't know who his Republican challenger was and whether that person is a man of valor and dignity. but I know that this guy isn't, and this is the person that we're gonna have to beat. So that's why he is the antagonist of this show and why we're gonna expose him with some receipts.
So last or just w one more time, the victim here is the con base. They were sold a fraud and they were required to defend it as long as they believed in the the president's endorsement. So the tell is when the law shows up, right? So this is a dude who for some period of time was sending inappropriate messages and texts.
and photos to a woman and allegedly or reportedly i should say with sources he he was doing this to more than with more than one woman on his campaign staff and saying things like excessively flirty ha ha ha that's okay with me
That's reported. That was actually in a screenshot. that's not anybody making that shit up. So he goes back and forth sending pictures of his dick and all these other things that he thinks is just really ha ha ha, we're just being flirty. and then and then what happens is something goes wrong with this with this woman. And I'll talk about her in a minute, but something goes wrong and she starts forwarding pictures.
Right. And and then what does he du what does he do? He starts calling out the revenge porn statute link, class four felony. I will call DPS. Hinted he could stop DPS if she stopped. So, you know, if you just stop reporting this stuff, I won't report you for this class four felony. So
It's just gross. First of all, it's gross that these grown ups are doing this with each other and to each other to begin with. But what's really bad is that this man is wielding power. He wants to go to Congress and be one of the people that sets the rules for the rest of the people in our nation representing his constituents in Arizona. And this is now the costume that we all vote for.
As the Halloween costume that wins the best one award, right? These horrible icky fuckers who lie about their religion and God, and and and they could be no less godful. They're just the most godless fucking creeps in the world. And then when things don't go their way, they use threats. And in this guy's example,
He's protecting the law until the law starts to touch him and then he's using the law to protect him. It's just fucking gross.
So the whole tell here is it's fine to send things back and forth because that's just flirty, but it's a felony to expose it. Selective enforcement in one text thread. The badge is equal a personal shield to him, not a public trust. And on the record, not anonymous, this is not anonymous, this is a real name. Matt Hillisbeck reported to the public.
Republic, which which is the local newspaper, that this was true, that that he had been doing the sexting with with women. So we have pictures of the texts that have been exposed. We have some of the texts where he has been exposed, we have a friend of his w who confirmed that he is exposed.
So now I just want to talk about the wim the woman real fast because women, women, I don't care how many they were. And honestly, I don't care if this woman is a whore or a saint, because sex is sex. You do what you do. We're grown adults. This is America. We're supposed to be able to fuck who we fuck. And it shouldn't be a national news story. The difference here is his holier than thou proclamations about his convictions and his purity.
and his regard for the law while he breaks it and then wields it for his own protection. That's the story. And and that's the reason we want Mark Lamb to lose the fuck out of this election and for the latter day Saints in District Five of Arizona to be represented by a Democrat who's actually gonna fight for things that they need and that they want.
from their congressmen.
the dude writes a book called American Sheriff Traditional Values in a Modern World. I'd like to know where the traditional values list is, and I'd like to know which bullet on that list is sex creepy dick pictures to a young woman who is probably way out of your league in terms of how good she looks.
And what she's able to give you Yeah put that in the bullet too. Yeah. Overly attractive young women get to have my texts of my dick, and then I'm gonna run for Congress and say it's all lies, even though the pictures of my dick are out there. The banner is the other thing. God, family, and freedom. Trump endorsed this shit. Of course he did.
Trump's grabbing people by the pussy and bragging about it and never backing down from it. So this is not a good, serious person. And Congress is a good and serious place to send people to help our nation work and function better.
He says he's a constitutional sheriff, right? Slate in Media Matters, CSPOA, Richard Mack, Sheriff is the highest law twenty twenty. This is the organization that basically gave birth to was given birth by the the was it the Proud Boys or something like that. I can't find that receipt right now, but you know it's like
These are the people who are basically like, you know, if we can get the sheriffs of America behind us, insurrections are gonna be really easy to pull off nationwide. And so I'm gonna just say this is my read on this whole thing, is that the more of these sheriffs Trump can get elected, the more people are not going to be able to count on them in the time of need when a res when an insurrection happens. This is also a guy that didn't uphold
the mask ban, the the mask wearing mandate during COVID, right? Because he felt that that law and order wasn't his proclivity, wasn't his in his wheelhouse.
I'm not gonna tell you again how he says every bit of it is a law, be a lie, because you know, how many of these fuckers say that? a hundred percent of them. you know, he's he he there's a long list of allegations. He didn't address one of them discreetly and succinctly. He ducked the entire list and he blamed Keenan for whipping it out. Keenan was was his was his opponent in the primary.
Every single bit versus a screenshot that says, I will call DPS. Those are your two big receipts. Not to least not the least of which is probably a really small withered penis that he was very proud of sending this poor this poor child. so that's pretty much it. I just wanted to call out this guy is an asshole. He is not trustworthy, he is not.
Whole human being that is worried about anything but his dick and his own power. And I think we got to stand up against these people because they're taking over, and we're not gonna have the America that used to value humanity anymore. We're just gonna have a bunch of dicks running things and making things work for them, but nobody else. Okay, well, that is this installment of Bite This.
Please check my show notes out. They're going to have all of the receipts in case you want to check out some of the things that I declared here. They are all sourced. And we come back to you every time we read or hear something on the news that sparks my hairs on the back of my neck. So look forward to more episodes. Like, subscribe. Please go to my website at bitethispod.com. We have a lot of information back.
Episodes and all that stuff on there too. Thank you very much again and signing off for now.