Here's the part they don't put on the poster. Peter Thiel spent last fall in a locked room preaching that the Antichrist rises to power by promising "peace and safety." Then he marched JD Vance out onto a stage, and Vance promised us safe communities. Same words. The mentor names the tell, and the protege walks out and performs it, on cue, to an ovation.
I said on the mic that the man's not freelancing a theology, he's reciting his donor. That's my read and I'll flag it as mine every time I say it. But I want to earn it for you here, slow, with the receipts in hand, because it hits a lot harder once you can see the whole machine. So let me walk you back to the person being sold all of this, and then all the way up to who's really holding the pen.
The mark in the pew
Get in the mood with me for a second. Picture yourself wandering into a church you don't belong to. You're not in the parish, you just sat down. And somebody leans over and informs you that you're living in a Christian nation. And you think, hold on. I might have walked into a Christian church, but that's not the same thing. This is America. America doesn't have a Christian nation. It has a nation, and we're all in it together.
That's the mark. The believer in the pew, being sold two things at once. One, that the country is his faith's property. Two, that JD Vance is a man of deep, unshakable, personal faith you can take at his word. And here's my whole question for this one: is there a conviction in there to trust at all? Because if you can't trust a man when he looks you in the eye and tells you he has deep personal faith, why is he in an office that reaches three hundred million people?
There's a second victim too, and it's a whole country. Argentina, already inside the hands of Vance's real boss. Under Milei, the New York Times and NewsNation reported that Thiel bought a mansion down there and moved his family in, kids into a local school. My read, named as my read: he went to a country that answers to money because he has designs on what he can turn it into. Hold that thought. We come back to it. The believer at home and the country abroad both sit downstream of the same machine, and the mark isn't stupid. He's being worked by professionals. I want you to feel that before I get loud.
The harm, in two parts
Part one: apocalypse as a mood. Right now you can't hiccup near enough true believers without being told you're wrecking society just by living your life. That's the water we're swimming in, and America can't survive much more of it. Into that mood steps a 22-year-old evangelist named Bryce Crawford, who put the Vice President on his podcast a couple of Mondays back and got him, in his own words, to say that if his work as God's messenger leads to the end of times, that's okay. As long as he believes he's acting on the Lord's wishes, the end of the world is the Lord's wishes. Same sit-down, he allowed he wouldn't be shocked if the Antichrist was walking among us. Put a pin in that one. NBC News and The New Republic both reported it. The plain fact under it: the man a heartbeat from the button says the end of the world would be okay.
Part two: theocracy as an applause line. Say the words in the right room and the room goes up, sincerity optional, and Vance is such a flat, joyless speaker that nobody in earshot actually believes a syllable of it anyway. Didn't matter. In Phoenix, at AmericaFest, December 21st, 2025, his biggest applause of the night came when he declared this a Christian nation that by the grace of God always will be. So is JD Vance promising salvation now? I thought only God could do that. But watch what he does promise in the same breath: closed borders and safe communities, good jobs and a dignified life. Religion News Service had it, Catholic News Agency by way of EWTN had it, the Roll Call transcript had it. Put a pin in that one too. The state has stepped into the pulpit. Separation of church and state, the thing the founders actually wrote down, is getting eroded right in front of us, and nobody's bleeding on camera, so everybody shrugs. It stuck for a tan suit. It'll stick for this.
The man, rebuilt to fit the moment
Now the actor in his own paper. Start with the religious life of JD Vance, because it's the whole tell.
He was raised evangelical Protestant. As a teenager he went rebellious and Pentecostal, the speaking-in-tongues wing, probably his way of breaking loose from the family. Then somewhere in his late teens and college years he called himself an angry atheist, likely because for the first time he was sitting with people who thought freely and dealt in actual ideas. And then, in 2019, right on time to grease his climb into political life, he converted to Catholicism, baptized at St. Gertrude Priory in Cincinnati, took St. Augustine as his patron. That's not me guessing, it's his own account, carried in Catholic News Agency, Sojourners, America Magazine, and told to Rod Dreher himself. Call it what you want. What I call it is a man who found the God he's now selling right alongside his own ambition, right when he needed the next rung.
His politics do the exact same dance. He said a lot of true things about Donald Trump, things I happen to agree with, but not the kind of things you say about a future boss without them surfacing, and they all surfaced. He called Trump cultural heroin, an opioid that gives you a little hit while it does you real harm, and that one's his own byline. He texted his Yale Law roommate Josh McLaurin that Trump might be America's Hitler, a cynical asshole like Nixon, and called himself a never-Trump guy who never liked him. McLaurin published the screenshot. The Week, the Daily Beast, and Salon all carried it. Then in 2025, on Steven Bartlett's Diary of a CEO, confronted with all of it, he said he was almost embarrassed that he wrote it because it was so obviously absurd. Newsweek, Yahoo, and the Daily Beast had that.
Sit on the wording, because it matters. He didn't say he was wrong. He didn't say he changed his mind about a man. He said he's embarrassed he ever doubted. So the convert converts again, and again, and again, whatever the moment calls for. My read, named as mine: his God, his party, his verdict on the most powerful man in the country, all of it swapped exactly when swapping served the climb. On its own, fine, people grow. But the tell isn't the growth. The tell is the sermon that sits and simmers on top of it, making it all sound holy. You don't get to shape-shift your way to the podium and then lecture the rest of us that the nation belongs to your newest faith.
The hand up his back
Now the pins come out, because Vance didn't rise on his own steam. The hand up his back belongs to Peter Thiel, the Palantir and PayPal guy, who bankrolled Vance's 2022 Ohio Senate run with a fifteen-million-dollar donation, the biggest single Senate donation of its moment. He gave Vance his first VC job, made the introductions, bought the seat. CBS News laid it out in July 2024. Salon put a headline on it, that Vance owes almost everything to Thiel. Documented, not alleged. I'm not making this up.
So what does this man believe? In the fall of 2025 he gave a private, invite-only lecture series and titled it "The Antichrist." Reporters who heard the recordings say Thiel argues the Antichrist rises to power by talking about Armageddon nonstop and by promising peace and safety, citing First Thessalonians, and casts the people warning of catastrophe as the Antichrist's own helpers. Reason sat through hours of it in October 2025, the SF Standard covered it in September. Armageddon nonstop, who does that sound like? Is it the Democratic Party you hear preaching the end of days around the clock, or is it the Republican Party and JD Vance insisting the other side is here to bring communism and end the world?
And here's the humiliating part. Thiel names the tell, out loud, in his own theology: the Antichrist wins on peace and safety. Then he marches his protege out onto a stage, and the protege promises safe communities. Vance shrugs that the end times would be okay so long as he's talking about God while it happens. So this is where I'll say it plain, as my read: he's not freelancing a theology as a man of deep faith. He's reciting his donor, and his donor is a freak with a doomsday framework and the money to make people perform it.
And the kicker, receipted and flagged. While Thiel lectures the rest of us about Armageddon, he bought that Buenos Aires mansion and moved his family in, kids in a local school, reported temporary. The New York Times has it, NewsNation and Yahoo ran it. That's the fact. The read that he's down there to reshape a nation with his money is mine, and I'll own it as mine. Either way, here's the shape of it: a doomsayer with an exit plan who already took the exit. He took it.
Where I land it
So here it is, on receipts I've now walked you all the way through. We've got a Vice President who is bought and paid for, who nobody in that arena actually finds sincere, sitting there certain he's the heir apparent to Trump's whole legacy. A man who has been, in order, an evangelical, a Pentecostal teenager, an angry atheist by his own account, and finally a Catholic, every conversion landing right on schedule with the next rung of the ladder. A man who called Trump cultural heroin and America's Hitler and a cynical asshole, and who now stands there almost embarrassed that he ever told the truth. The only thing JD Vance has never once converted away from is his own ascent. That's the faith. That's the whole religion. Everything else is a costume he tried on and returned.
And this is the guy who climbs up at AmericaFest to inform three hundred million of us that we live in his nation now, and that he'll hand us safe communities while God minds our souls. He'll shrug on a kid's podcast that the literal end of the world would be, and I quote, okay. Okay for who, JD? He's not a prophet. He's a hire. His boss preached in a locked room that the Antichrist comes promising peace and safety, and then walked him onto a stage to promise peace and safety, and while the master swears the end is nigh, the master already bought the mansion and shipped the kids out of the country. The prophets of the apocalypse always keep a boat, don't they.
That's the con, front to back: a man with no fixed belief but his own climbing, reciting a billionaire's end-times script to a country he's decided to rebrand, for a boss who's already packed.
But I'm not going to close on the middle finger, because that's not actually where I live. If we're going to get religious and talk about the grace of God, then if there is a God and that God has any grace at all, that grace starts sounding a lot more like the Jesus these people claim to worship, and a lot less like this. A real humanist voice. Because we all belong here. We can live side by side, hold our differences, and not hate each other for them. The believer in the pew deserves so much better than an actor. And the actor deserves to be called exactly what he is. Not God's messenger. A bought one. It doesn't work to call us a Christian nation, because we're not. We're a nation, all of us, together, and I'd like it back.
One thing I owe you straight: I chased a second-marriage angle on Vance and dropped it, because it didn't survive the dig. He's been married once, to Usha, since 2014. There is no second marriage, and I won't run what I can't hold.
Sources, cited out loud, linked in the show notes. The end-times and Antichrist remarks on the Bryce Crawford podcast: NBC News, The New Republic. The Christian-nation and "closed borders and safe communities" lines from AmericaFest, Phoenix, December 21, 2025: Religion News Service, Catholic News Agency via EWTN, the Roll Call transcript. The three-station religious journey and 2019 baptism at St. Gertrude Priory: Catholic News Agency, Sojourners, America Magazine, and Vance's own account to Rod Dreher. The "cultural heroin" essay and the "America's Hitler" and "cynical asshole" texts to Josh McLaurin: The Week, the Daily Beast, Salon, and McLaurin's published screenshot. The "almost embarrassed" walk-back on Diary of a CEO: Newsweek, Yahoo, Daily Beast. Thiel's then-record fifteen-million-dollar backing and Vance's first VC job: CBS News, July 2024, and Salon. Thiel's 2025 "Antichrist" lecture series: Reason, October 2025, and the SF Standard, September 2025. Thiel's move to a Buenos Aires mansion, kids in local school, reported temporary: the New York Times, via NewsNation and Yahoo. The relocation is fact. The read that he's there to reshape a nation with his money is mine, and I said so.
Moss (00:01) Hi there, my name is Moss, and you are here with Bite This. And this is a short-form pod that is my way of trying to get some sleep because I hear things in the news and I lose sleep at night because I'm a humanist that believes in planet Earth. And so this is my outlet, and that's how it works. this episode's called JD Vance.
God's messenger, the end of times, and serving the Lord. And it'll come clear why I called this that. but first of all I just wanna get everybody in the mood here. imagine that you're sitting in a pew in a church and and you just wandered in there. You're not you're not part of the of the parish at all. You just sit down and somebody starts telling you that you're in a Christian nation.
And you're like looking at them going, Well, I might have walked into a Christian church, but that doesn't mean I'm in a Christian nation. We are in America. America doesn't have a Christian nation. America has a nation and we're all here together. The other thing this person in this pews being told to believe is that J. D. Vance is a man of deep personal faith.
And so we're g gonna ask about that because we don't believe there's really a conviction there to trust at all. And if we can't trust somebody when they look you in the eye and say that they have deep personal religious faith, why are they in an office that can impact and affect literally three hundred million people?
Second victim here though is the country. there's a country called Argentina and it's already inside of of JD Vance's boss's hands. We're gonna talk about Peter Thiel in just a bit. But Argentina, now led by by a fascist government held by Malay, you know, the New York Times and News Nation.
reported that Teal bought a mansion there. he moved with family and the kids into a local school. He's there to protect his family because he knows they can't be protected in America. And he also knows that if he moves to a country that responds to money, he'll be able to turn that country into anything he wants. And he has very clear designs about how he wants this to work down there. But we're gonna get back to America now, right?
we're gonna mar we're gonna walk the harm in two parts. One is that this this sort of apocalypse is a mood right now. You know, when you get enough crazy religious people talking about their crazy religion, you can't hiccup near them without them telling you that you're changing society in ways that they don't disagree with and that they shouldn't have to live like you, hiccuping like you. Well, that's kind of what's going on right now. and and and it's inappropriate and
it America cannot survive it. Apocalypse is a mood. Bryce Crawford has a podcast. He brought the VP on and he got the VP in his own words to say, you know, if my role as God's messenger leads to the end of times, that's okay. As long as I believe I'm talking.
Through the Lord's wishes, then the end of times are the Lord's wishes was basically what he was saying. Same sit down, he said he would be shocked if the Antichrist if he wouldn't be shocked, I'm sorry, if the Antichrist was walking among us. I'm gonna ask you to put a pin in that 'cause we're gonna talk about that as it overlaps from Teal's craziness.
and then there's this idea that theocracy is an applause line, so if you can get enough red meat eating people to latch on and and foam at the mouths, it's something that you say, there's this sense that you're reaching people, right? But when you're only in a room of red meat eaters and you're throwing them red meat, you shouldn't be surprised. The only difference is that JD Vance is a shitty public speaker and nobody believes him because nothing he says sounds sincere.
Or is coming from a place of authenticity. So he's basically just spewing shit. And but in December 2025, he got his biggest applause ever by screaming at the top of his lungs that America is a Christian nation and that by the grace of God it always will be. So is he promising salvation? JD Vance? I thought only God could do that.
but he is promising closed borders and safe communities, good jobs and a dignified life. Put a pin in that. we're gonna get back to that those statements as well. But basically the states in the pulpit. This idea of separation of church and state, so that you know, church is something that we do, but the state is something that manages the well-being and welfare of everybody in the nation. That
was a promise in our constitutional founding documents and from our founding fathers. And it's being eroded at a rapid pace right now.
So let's talk about the actors in in the religious life of J. D. Vance. He started an evangelical Protestant. That was his upbringing. Then as a teen he went crazy and you know, rebellious and he did a Pentecostal sin. And these are the these are the weirdos that in church speak in tongue and basically talk about how everybody's talking through them.
And and that now they should be believed because Jesus has touched their vagina or whatever. I don't know what they say, but it's just crazy shit. And so he did that as a teen because he probably needed to break out from his family. and then he probably went to college. I don't know. He he did graduate from Yale, allegedly. But he he he sometime as late teen and college student, he described himself as an angry atheist, likely because he was talking to people who had free thought
and were exposed to real ideas and facts. But then in 2019, to time his ascension into the political ranks, he converted to Catholicism. so call that what you will but what I call it is that he found the God he's selling right alongside his ambition and right alongside the timing that drove it.
He said a lot of shitty things about Trump that I actually agree with. but they're not things that you t say about a future boss without them getting recorded. And they all were. So he called them a culture he called Trump cultural heroine, he called him America's Hitler, he called him a cynical asshole like Nixon. He called himself a never Trump guy, who never liked him. But then of course, in twenty twenty five, when pressed up against all this stuff and realizing he had to
rewrite that history. He's quoted as saying in Diary of a CEO in twenty twenty five that he was almost embarrassed that he wrote it because it was so obviously absurd. Those things that he said. So the converted converts again and again and again, depending on what he wants to say, depending on where he wants to go. So my read here named God, party, verdict on Trump, all swapped right when swapping served as climb.
Tell isn't the growth, it's the sermon that sits and simmers on top of it, makes it all sound right.
But here's where these pins come into play. The hand up his back is this guy named Peter Teal. Peter Teal's this gay guy. I'm gay, so I'm I don't mean that in a bad way, but Peter Teal's this gay guy who probably was very hurt as a young little boy. And and and that's not why he's gay, but it's certainly why he's so hell bent on screwing the planet. He bankrolled his twenty he bankrolled JD Vance's twenty twenty two Ohio Senate run.
by giving a fifteen million dollar donation, the biggest single Senate donation of the time. He gave him his first VC job, all the intros, he bought his seat. This is all documented. It's not alleged. I'm not making this shit up. But what does this guy believe this Peter Thiel? Well in twenty twenty five he did a private lecture series called The Antichrist, where he talks about the Antichrist rising, talking nonstop about Armageddon.
He's he's saying that the antichrist is gonna promise peace and safety. And then quotes, you know, one Thessalonians five colon three, which I guess is a Bible passage. the catastrophe warners, they're these guys' helpers. So the Republican Party and J.D. Vance, they're all talking about how Democrats are here to spread communism, which will be the end of the world. Well
That is the Antichrist as named. And what's so humiliating to me is that this little bitch gets called out by Teal by Teal pushing him into his own craziness, right? Teal says the Antichrist wins on peace and safety. And then he marches Vance out on stage where Vance promises safe communities.
And he does this all when he shrugs that the end of the times are okay as long as he's talking about God while it happens. So my read here named, He's not freelancing a theology as a man of deep faith. He's reciting his donors, and his donor is a freak.
And again, while lecturing on Armageddon, Teal bought this mansion in Buenos Aires. He's down there to shape that government with his money. He's a doomsayer with an exit plan, and he took it. He took it.
This is it, right? And this is where I'm gonna stop the pod here today. We've got a vice president who is non charismatic, who's a whore, who is bought and paid for, and who is sitting there believing he is going to be the heir apparent of Trump's legacy. And if we're going to get religious and say things like By the grace of God, if there is a God
And if that God has any grace, that God will begin to speak through these people with a real humanist voice that sounds a lot more like the Jesus that they claim to worship. We all belong here. We can live side by side, we can have differences and not hate each other.
It doesn't work to say that we are a Christian nation because we're not.
Okay, I'm Moss. This has been BiteThis. you can visit my website, bitethispod.com. I hope to have some comment functionality up there in the next week. And when I do, I'll announce it and and make sure everybody knows it's available. Thank you very much, and we'll see you at the next rant.